Boobatude. A New York styled rant.

So I was teasing a co-worker about the lunch plans she has for tomorrow with one of our male co-workers, and how I was going to start indiscrete rumors about them. She quipped that, at her age, a rumor demonstrating that she's still got it would be a good one. Then she complimented my blouse, at which point I caught her staring at my tits. Now I've been noticing a lot of sightlines directed at my boobage lately, to the point where I was beginning to wonder 1) if I had grown a third one in the middle of the other two, and 2) if my schizophrenia medicine had stopped working, divorcing me so far from reality that I was the only one who couldn't see my own new appendage. So I took the blouse compliment as an opening to find out what was going on. I replied to my co-worker that I had been thinking it was my company id, which hangs directly where a third boob would reside (if it truly does exist), that had been catching everyone's eye but now I knew that everyone has been looking at my blouse. (Pretty slick, hunh?) To which she replied, "Well, speaking of still got it. Some of us still got it," and she rolled her eyes. AT. MY. BOOBAGE. I laughed saying, "Hmm, it sits a few inches lower than it used to, but I still gots it all, don't I?" "You sure do."

What the hell?!! My boobs are not enormous and I do not make a practice of wearing tight or low-cut tops. But still, I don't think my boobs were ever stared at so much during the entirety of my 20s. Well, except when I was doing that Off-Broadway show where I had to wear a leopard-skin bikini a la Betty Paige, but that was an extenuating circumstance. Don't get me wrong, even at my young, precious age (ahem), I'm flattered to get the attention. What's weird is the number of looks by both men AND women in such a short period of time, when I haven't changed a damn thing about myself - not my weight, not my bra, not my wardrobe. So what is it? Is it astrological? Is my Venus in the Patron Sign of Boobaditudiness? The people wanna know!

Also in the "What the fuh?!!" category - how is it that when I leave my house in the morning AN HOUR EARLIER than normal, I get to work only 45 MINUTES earlier than normal? Where in the hell do those other 15 minutes go? Do they get confused and decide to have a sandwich at that other Subway? I guess coming to work early just doesn't pay